Doesn't it feel good......

[vicki7]

when you find and or make the perfect gift for someone. I just scored big points with my mil, lol. I found a 8 x 16 frame at the LSS that you make 8 x 8 pages for and the pages have magnets so you can have different pages open and can turn the page and have the next set up, etc. I wish I had taken pictures but forgot. Anyway, she got it and hubby told her to open it when he was on the phone with her. She started crying. I didn't mean to make her cry, just thought she'd love pics of hubby and the kids throughout the year. She loved it, thought she would. She is one of the few people who I will make something for because she appreciates it. Still wish hubby wouldn't have had her open it now, it was for Christmas, but it felt really good that she liked it so much.
Vicki

[Deleted]

Your MIL must really love you for your thoughtfulness! (And she should!)

[Basketlady]

Vicki, that sounds like a wonderful gift. A perfect home run! You know it's good when you make them cry!

Michelle

[Karen W]

Vicki - what I wonderful gift. I am sure she will treasure it always

Karen

[joselle]

Vicky, I'm sure this is your mil's "Best" christmas present.
You gave her a Lifetime-Treasure !!!

[vicki7]

Thanks everyone. I knew you all would understand how it feels to have someone appreciate your hard work. Let me see if I can find the poem, this is what set her off, lol.........
Our Mother
Author Unknown

You are the mother I received
The day I wed your son.
And I just want to thank you, Mom
For all the things you've done.

You've given me a gracious man
With whom I share my life.
You are his loving mother and
I his lucky wife.

You used to pat his little head,
And now I hold his hand.
You raised in love a little boy
And gave to me a man.

I wanted a really nice 1st page and apparently I did a good job. I wish I could have done this for other family members but it would not have been appreciated!
Vicki

[AnnaMatrix]

Vicki, I've always loved that poem, too. No wonder she cried! It is a wonderful feeling to make something for someone that is the perfect gift - one they'll treasure forever. You are an angel! Gail

[Basketlady]

I gave my MIL that framed poem years ago. She hung it in her living room right next to her treasures. It is a beautiful poem.

Michelle

[Karen W]

What a beautiful poem!

Karen

[Susan]

what a great opening page Vicki!

I hope you know how lucky you are!! My MIL and I do not get along - in her eyes I "stole" her son. And my husband is her favorite child of the 3 kids. Sad, but true. They all know he's the fave - hands down.

She still addresses mail to me with my maiden name - she claims she "forgets" - UGH - we've been married almost 21 years! She doesn't send us anniversary cards - and 20 years among her kids is a RECORD! Her daughters have both been married 2x each.

So consider me jealous of all of you who have great relationships with your inlaws. When I got married I dreamed of having an entirely new set of family - parents, sisters, etc. NOPE - we didn't know our 2 youngest nephews names until this summer at the 100th birthday party. Pretty hard not to introduce us when we were standing right there! LOL.

Cherish your relationships ladies - try as I have over 20 plus years I will never have that. You're all very fortunate and should feel blessed!

Vicki good job on such a lovely project - and even though it was opened early - think how much she'll enjoy showing it off!

[Deleted]

How fortunate some of you are to have a positive relationship with your MILs!

My first MIL was a gentle Texas lady, but we lived so far away that I never felt that I knew her very well. However, when her son (my DH) died, she fully supported my remarrying.

As for the second MIL...many of you have already heard about her. She is tactless to everyone, including her son (her only child), and then she wonders why no one wants to spend much time with her. She and DH and I are political opposites, and she wastes no time in pointing out how wrong we am about anything political. She gets all of her information from The Globe, (which she actually subscribes to...it keeps me reading the headlines at the grocery store to know what she's believing), or CNN, and she refuses to see anyone else's point of view.

She loves gossip, which keeps all of us from making even an innocent comment about our families...she will build the least insignificant remark into a big scandalous story.

I just try to keep reminding myself that she's elderly, hard-of-hearing (won't wear her hearing aid unless my DH insists), and lonesome.

But it's difficult to be kind, even in this season of kindness...

So if you have a wonderful MIL, follow Vicki's example, and let her know!

[vicki7]

I always feel sad when we have problems with the in laws, I have these same issues with FIL. After we got married hubby told me, shouldn't have, that his dad's unusual visit was to talk him out of marrying me. So that didn't start the relationship out well but dang, after being married 28 years now, he'd realize I'm not going anywhere. He has never had much of a relationship with my children, never acknowledged their birthdays, graduations and only sent daughter some money well after she got married (while we had 2 very ill family members make the trip to the wedding but he couldn't be bothered). Him and hubby are on total opposite sides of the political spectrum and he gets so mad when he talks to hubby. Like he isn't allowed to have an opinion. Anyway, I am thankful I have a great MIL. I think I'm a pretty great MIL myself. I love my SIL and he is always treated as part of the family cause he is part of the family, he loves my daughter. And my daughter has a great MIL who loves her very much.
Vicki

[Basketlady]

These are horrible stories! I'm so sorry for you guys that have to deal with this. I can't imagine how horribly stressful it is to live like that. Even if you have made peace with it now, it's still hard.

My in laws make me crazy, but just in normal stuff. I learned early on not to complain to my MIL when my DH was making me crazy. She would defend him to the end. I finally realized (when I had kids) that a mom will defend her babies. Now I just complain to my BFF.

Michelle

[AnnaMatrix]

In-law problems are so sad. And of course, we never know how it will go over time, since people are usually on their best behavior initially (though not always!). ;D

Since my DH and I are both only children, I was worried about this before we got married.. But, I have been very blessed in that department, as my late MIL and FIL have always looked upon me as the daughter they never had, and my late father and mother ADORE my husband (to the point that I sometimes wonder if he's their favorite child!)

I wish I had a solution for all this strife. Unfortunately, some people seem to believe that the amount of love we have to give is a finite thing, and if we love some one else, that takes away from the love we have left to give. My experience has been that our ability to love is infinite, and the more we give, the more we have left to share! Several of you hit it on the head, I think, when you described your difficult in-laws as lonely. Lonely people, who don't feel worthy of love, grasp the hardest at it, and drive people away.

As, Susan said, cherish the good relationships and nourish them. Continue to be as kind and loving as you can to those that are difficult, don't let them force you to their level, and don't expect to change them. Try to understand that the way they treat you says everything about them and nothing about you!

Wow, I really got on a soapbox here, didn't I? Sorry about that ladies. I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday season, and a happy and healthy New Year! Gail

[Basketlady]

Beautifully said, Gail. If only everyone could be so sensible!

Michelle

[crazy4pink]

My MIL died unexpectedly last year just before Thanksgiving. She had mental illness. She was difficult most of the time but she loved us all sooo much. Part of her illness was fear. She worried all the time about her kids, mostly about her son- my husband. She would call at least 8 times a day just to ask if he was ok, sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning. She had good days and bad. I cannot even imagine how horrible it would be to live in so much fear all the time. It was controlled by meds but she would not take them and relapse often. She made us crazy but we loved her very much. I dealt more with her than Husband did. Their relationship had been strained since he was a child. As an adult it was more like he was the parent and she was the child.

At the end she had been having bad days more than good. She ran away to Oregon (where she believed was the only safe place to be). We begged her not to go. We pleaded, cried, yelled, everything we could to keep her here. Finally she left and it was not a pleasant parting. She had a heart attack a week later and died.

We could not forgive ourselves (especially my Husband) for our final words to her. I do know that she loved us and she knew that we loved her. Actually, her going to Oregon was the best for her. She had a final week with no worries, no one was after her there. She could do whatever she wanted and none of us could do anything about it. The voices were silent.

For several days afterward whenever the phone rang I would automaticly think "Oh its June" but no.

We can now think of the crazy things she did and laugh (or cry). She was a generous woman full of love even though she had a very hard life.

Let them know how much you love them because you may not get another chance.
Cindy

[Basketlady]

Nicely said as well, Cindy.

However, I think that sometimes you need to protect yourself from the family mess. To evaluate the situation and figure out what works for you. I have an aunt who I'm convinced is a bit more than nutty. I limit my contact with her and don't buy into the drama. Lots of other family members placate her to keep the peace. It's all good--you have to do what you can make peace with.

Michelle

[Cat]

I know how it feels to have your MIL hate you. My MIL tried everything to keep my husband from marrying me. She had decided he wasn't ever going to marry.....she wanted him to live at home and help support her spending habits. She lied about me to everyone; even the people in the parish church were we lived /were to get married. My FIL ended up having to go to the family's church(parish were husband grew up but no longer lived) to get help so we could get special permission to get married in the church there. She even caused trouble at the rehearsal and at the wedding. That was just the beginning, but I knew what I was in for.........and as long as she was in her right mind (LOL) she tried everything.
(25 years later )The last thing she did was about 2 months after my FIL passed away....she came to my house and started throwing my personal things out in the yard... yelling ,cussing, and telling me to get out....she was moving in.....(our youngest (son) was in High School, he had just got home for lunch maybe 5 minutes before she got there and she didn't know it) He came out of the bathroom as she started hitting me, still screaming awful things.......Husband and husband's brother walk into the back door in the middle of it all. She was caught!!! There was some really unhappy men in my kitchen.....she tried to turn the tables and blame me....it didn't work.......All the those years I had bent over back wards to get a long with her was finally a plus for me....cause not only did husband know the truth but his brother did too. When she realized her game was over and husband and his brother both told her I was never going to leave she threw a fit of all fits. They both seen how cruel she was.
About a year later she had plotted, planned and tried so much stuff she finally went over the edge. Husband, BIL and his wife and I took care of her.....She couldn't live with any of us because she was dangerous.....but we seen about her and took her to her Dr's appointments in pairs of course. Weird part was she got were she wanted me to be the one who helped her with things.
I take heart, because I never did anything keep my husband from his family. I even made a point to visit them a least once every week. I tried hard to be a good DIL and I know my FIL loved me for it.


Hugs & prayers for peace and goodness in all of our lives and those we love,
Cat

[Deleted]

Cat, I am sincerely sorry that you had to go through all of this! Your MIL certainly puts mine in perspective...

All of a sudden, a cranky, rude/tactless (not to mention terrible cook) lady doesn't seem quite so bad. And DH says she's always been this way, so I know it's not me.

But we do limit our visits...in numbers and lengths.

[Cat]

Thank you casunflower, but her wonderful, kind, thoughtful son has more than made up for her. Husband's Grandmother (MIL mother) told me the day she died to give him and my FIL all the love I could because they were good and kind men.
I have forgiven her for the pain she caused me. I'm proud we went to visit as much as we did, my husband and FIL became very close and my kids got to know their grandad. We all learned tolerance, patience and forgiveness.
Another thing I hope I learned, is that when I get SILs & a DIL is Not Be A Pain In Their Backsides.......


Cat

[AnnaMatrix]

Cat, Cindy, and all the Divas, how wonderful that you've been able to find "The Bless in the Mess," and bring something good out of a bad situation. My hat's off to you! Merry Christmas to all. Gail

[Noelle]

The amazon kindle was a hit with my mom it costs alot but I think she deserves to be spoiled!