Post by 1whoscraps on Jun 1, 2012 10:18:14 GMT -5
From the Mouths of Babes
How did God make mothers?
Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
He made my Mom just the same as he made me. He just used some bigger parts.
He used dirt, just like He used for the rest of us.
Why did God make mothers?
Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
To help us come out when we were getting born.
Mainly to clean the house.
She's the only one who knows where to find the scotch tape.
Why did God give you your mother and not somebody else's mom?
God knew she likes me a lot more than other kid's moms like me.
We're related.
What kind of little girl was your mother?
I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be she was pretty bossy.
They say she used to be nice.
My mother has always been my mother and none of that other stuff.
What ingredients does God use to make mothers?
They get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
God makes mothers out of angel hair and clouds everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
How did your mother meet your dad?
Mommy was working in a store and daddy was shoplifting.
What did your mother need to know about your father before she married him?
His last name.
She had to know his background. Like does he get drunk on beer? Is he a crook? Does he make at least $900 a year? Did he say "No" to drugs and "Yes" to chores?
Why did your mother marry your father?
She got too old to do anything else with him.
My grandma says that mommy didn't have her thinking cap on.
My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mommy eats a lot.
Who's the boss around your house?
My mom doesn't want to be the boss, but she has to because my dad's such a goofball.
Mom. You can tell by how she does room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
I guess my mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than my dad.
What makes a real woman?
A real woman is that you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
What does your mother do in her spare time?
To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
Mothers don't do spare time.
What's the difference between dads and moms?
Dads are stronger and taller, but moms have the real power cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just have to work at work.
What's the difference between mothers and grandmas?
You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
About 30 years.
Describe the world's greatest mother?
She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
The greatest mother in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is there anything about your mother that's perfect?
Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
Just her children.
What would it take to make your mother perfect?
You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.
On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
A diet.
If you could change one thing about your mother, what would it be?
I'd make my mother smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
How did God make mothers?
Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
He made my Mom just the same as he made me. He just used some bigger parts.
He used dirt, just like He used for the rest of us.
Why did God make mothers?
Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
To help us come out when we were getting born.
Mainly to clean the house.
She's the only one who knows where to find the scotch tape.
Why did God give you your mother and not somebody else's mom?
God knew she likes me a lot more than other kid's moms like me.
We're related.
What kind of little girl was your mother?
I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be she was pretty bossy.
They say she used to be nice.
My mother has always been my mother and none of that other stuff.
What ingredients does God use to make mothers?
They get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
God makes mothers out of angel hair and clouds everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
How did your mother meet your dad?
Mommy was working in a store and daddy was shoplifting.
What did your mother need to know about your father before she married him?
His last name.
She had to know his background. Like does he get drunk on beer? Is he a crook? Does he make at least $900 a year? Did he say "No" to drugs and "Yes" to chores?
Why did your mother marry your father?
She got too old to do anything else with him.
My grandma says that mommy didn't have her thinking cap on.
My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mommy eats a lot.
Who's the boss around your house?
My mom doesn't want to be the boss, but she has to because my dad's such a goofball.
Mom. You can tell by how she does room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
I guess my mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than my dad.
What makes a real woman?
A real woman is that you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
What does your mother do in her spare time?
To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
Mothers don't do spare time.
What's the difference between dads and moms?
Dads are stronger and taller, but moms have the real power cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just have to work at work.
What's the difference between mothers and grandmas?
You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
About 30 years.
Describe the world's greatest mother?
She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
The greatest mother in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is there anything about your mother that's perfect?
Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
Just her children.
What would it take to make your mother perfect?
You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.
On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
A diet.
If you could change one thing about your mother, what would it be?
I'd make my mother smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
)
